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Film Gulls: The journey of Earl Thomas towards Peak Faze

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Wild Card Round - Detroit Lions v Seattle Seahawks Photo by Steve Dykes/Getty Images

Football is a terrifyingly beautiful ecosystem. The ease at which one can sink towards the environmental underpinnings happens to be the scariest part. Players are entrenched in a hierarchy that requires tremendous amounts of grit and determination to ascend.

Earl Thomas is the apex predator of the football world.

Earl Thomas is the one who knocks.

Unfortunately, Thomas’s 2016 season was cut short by a broken tibia. Injury is a cruel sentence for such a dominant being.

Despite this untimely wound, it seems that he has not reached the summit that he hopes to one day conquer.

Peak Faze is nearly an impossible milestone to reach. Trust me. My love for Tanner McEvoy blows just about everything else in this world out of the water and I’m nowhere near Peak Faze.

Earl, though, is no mere mortal. In just 10.5 games played, he slowly worked his way towards the mountaintop; bit by bit, Thomas was closing in on Peak Faze.

This journey must not go unrecognized. I won’t allow that to happen. Today, my friends, we explore the rise of the Seattle Seahawks’ free safety throughout his tireless endeavor of reaching Peak Faze in the 2016 season.

Base Faze

The physical laws governing momentum are simple. A larger mass traveling at the same velocity as a smaller mass will be less inclined to experience a change in inertia.

ETIII scoffs at the laws of physics. Despite his diminutive stature, he will fuck up just about anybody without a second thought.

One Mississippi...

Two Mississippi...

Aaaaaand three Mississippi.

Within the multiverse, I can imagine there are very few timelines that allow 202 lb. Earl Thomas to annihilate humanoid obelisks Kelvin Benjamin and Robert Gronkowski.

Alas, we are within one of those timelines. Even at the lowest tier of football enlightenment, Earl transcends physical guidelines.

But Peak Faze is less about physicality and more about an awakening of the mind. Let us continue on in this quest for understanding.

Mid-Faze

There is a point reached on the road to Peak Faze where the pertinent being’s mental capabilities spike sharply upwards. They can see when and how certain events will transpire from the get-go.

This milestone is entitled Mid-Faze. Earl easily surpassed this point during the 2016 season, which was best displayed during a contest against a divisional foe, the Arizona Cardinals:

Could this incredible break on the ball be due to film study? I don’t think so, folks. There is a higher level of aptitude required to peer into the unknown and see (dare I say) the future.

Thomas knows where the ball is going before it is even snapped. I don’t buy any of this “but he recognized the formation, which would indicate that this is a play that the Cardinals have run multiple times to the point where they were predictable about it” mumbo jumbo. Get your conspiracy theories out of here. At Film Gulls, we stick to the facts. And the facts indicate that Earl had reached Mid-Faze.

On we go.

Quasi-Peak Faze

On the Faze spectrum, Quasi-Peak is reached at around 93.7% of Peak. This stage is an even bigger leap for consciousness. At the penultimate Faze level, the human mind begins to manipulate physical matter. It’s a bit sloppy at first, but it gets the job done.

If any of you have seen the recent Marvel movie entitled Dr. Strange, you might know what I’m talking about here. The film’s major concept (humans utilizing the astral plane to create and alter existing energy and matter) is a blatant oversimplification of Quasi-Peak Faze.

Scott Derrickson (director of the movie) really went off of the rails here. Quasi-Peak is more akin to a more realistic version of telekinesis than anything else. Take a look at the film and you’ll see what I mean.

Mark Ingram receives the handoff out of the backfield and runs into a wall of defenders to his left. Earl is nowhere near the scrum at this point. As he approaches the line of scrimmage, the football pops out of Ingram’s grip and flies directly towards Thomas, who easily returns the fumble for a defensive touchdown.

Coincidence, you say? There’s no way Earl could have made this happen with merely his mind?

When extraordinary events happen regularly, the sample size exceeds the point of dubbing them happenstance. Take a gander here, why don’t you?

With just under four minutes remaining and the Seahawks trailing by one point, Earl knows he needs a turnover.

What do you think happened next?

The NFL’s MVP threw a football (something he’s apparently pretty good at doing) to the NFL’s most dominant receiver, who just so happens to not catch the ball (something he’s apparently pretty good at doing) and tip it upwards. Richard Sherman, who is playing off of his receiver, just so happens to tip the ball up again.

Where do you think that ball ended up?

That’s right. In the arms of Earl Thomas. This allowed the Seahawks to kick a game-winning field goal and improve their record to 4-1.

This is not coincidence, my friends. This is some real life Dr. Strange shit.

Peak Faze

I said from the start of this adventure that Peak Faze is nearly impossible to attain. Lucky for you that rounding decimals is a concept I am quite familiar with.

After extensive calculation, it was determined that Earl’s Faze Percentage (TM) had reached a whopping 99.96 percent.

At Film Gulls, only three decimal places are recognized because we care deeply about significant figures.

You know what that rounds up to? 100 percent. Peak Faze.

It’s impossible to do justice to this otherworldly phenomenon with words, so I’ll let the film do the talking.

I can confidently say that David Johnson has become a Mid-Faze player in his second season. He makes magic happen regularly enough that I don’t peg him as a Base Faze guy.

Mid-Faze took the L on this day.

(I am well aware of the fact that nobody, in fact, took an L on this day. Carry on.)

On a play where Johnson definitely should have won the contest for the Cardinals with Thomas in no position whatsoever to prevent this from occurring, supreme football sophistication won out.

Premier mental, physical, and spiritual enlightenment pushed Earl into the exact place he needed to be at precisely the right moment.

Peak Faze.

-

Referring back to the tweet near the beginning of this piece, Earl does not accept rounding up from 99.96 to 100. Sounds like somebody uses four significant figures. It makes sense. That’s why he’s essentially Peak Faze and I’m merely Quasi-Base Faze.

After contemplating retirement for several moments, Thomas seems to be ready to return stronger than ever. His 2017 quest towards Four Decimal Peak Faze (abbreviated 4DPF) will be one for the ages.

Scott Derrickson has recently said that he has no idea if or when there will be a Dr. Strange 2. Well, Scott, you can exhale, because ETIII has got you covered. Tuning into Q13 Fox on a weekly basis (and maybe ESPN, NBC, or CBS every once in a while) should provide ample inspiration for a sequel.

There is no doubt in my mind that Seattle’s resident sorcerer can achieve Peak Faze in 2017.

I don’t think there is any doubt in his mind either.