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Super Bowl 2018: Five reasons why another Patriots championship wouldn’t be all that bad

NFL: Super Bowl LI-New England Patriots vs Atlanta Falcons Matthew Emmons-USA TODAY Sports

I despise the New England Patriots. Their feel-good story stopped being fun somewhere around the 2004 season, which coincidentally ended with them defeating the Philadelphia Eagles in the Super Bowl. I’m never going to get over XLIX, but I simultaneously will always cherish Seattle’s comeback against the Patriots at CenturyLink Field in 2012.

And yet, here I am stating my case that maybe it’s not a bad thing if they win another Super Bowl. They’ve got their chance at number six on Sunday, and they’d be the only team to win three in four seasons on multiple occasions (Edit: Thanks, Nshima!). They may be the evil empire, but it doesn’t mean I’ll root against them 100% of the time.

Reason #1: The Seattle Seahawks would still be the most recent NFC team to win a Super Bowl

This is the third straight year that the NFC representative in the Super Bowl has never won a Lombardi Trophy before. The Carolina Panthers went 15-1 in the regular season and were held to just 10 points against the Denver Broncos. We know what happened to Dan Quinn’s Atlanta Falcons last year. Something about a 28-3 lead and then blowing it. Now it’s the Philadelphia Eagles’ turn, in what is their third Super Bowl appearance in franchise history. If they flop, Seattle keeps its crown as the most recent NFC Super Bowl champion, and Russell Wilson would still be the only quarterback from the 2012 NFL Draft to start and win the Super Bowl. Also, Eagles fans would talk endless shit about how they beat the Patriots while the Seahawks couldn’t. Which brings me to...

Reason #2: Enemy Reaction is more fun when the Eagles lose

Had the Minnesota Vikings made it to the Super Bowl, I absolutely would’ve pulled for them. Their fans are great, the team is likable, and they’ve endured unthinkable heartbreak virtually every decade of the Super Bowl era.

The Philadelphia Eagles have a pretty likable team. Their fans? A different story. There’s a reason why Bill Burr’s raunchy, highly offensive, extremely not safe for work, and 100% improvised twelve-minute ripping of the Philadelphia crowd is considered legendary. It didn’t just fall out of the sky. We know the reputation of Philadelphia Eagles fans, and it’s certainly not sparkling. They’re a unique brand of obnoxious.

If the Patriots lose, then so what? Boston sports fans are spoiled and they have a billion other championships they can fall back on. When Philly melts down? They melt down. This is what happened when the Seahawks beat the Eagles in December, dropping Philadelphia to an unthinkable 10-2.

The Eagles losing will make Enemy Reaction better. Videos could pretty much consist entirely of the musings from loud and vulgar Eagles superfan, EDP445. I wonder if he likes Nelson Agholor now, because he sure didn’t after last year’s Seahawks game.

Reason #3: It’d alienate Steelers fans

As I gather, many Seahawks fans are still bitter about Super Bowl XL. That’s fine. The Pittsburgh Steelers have won six Super Bowls, more than any other team in the league. New England could not only tie them, but they’d have done so by winning all of their championships in less than 20 years.

The Steelers not only hate the Patriots, they can’t even beat them. You could say that the entire season changed on the Jesse James touchdown overturn, followed by Ben Roethlisberger’s incredibly moronic fake spike throw.

Had Pittsburgh won this game, they’d have effectively clinched the #1 seed. Except they didn’t, because Ben Roethlisberger got greedy and his brain malfunctioned in spectacular fashion. Hahahahaha.

But seriously, Steelers fans are also an obnoxious bunch and their pain will be noticeable once the “Only team to win six Super Bowls” moniker goes away.

Reason #4: Cassius Marsh gets a ring

It’s at this point in the article that I realized how difficult it would be to get to five reasons, but I’m going to keep trying.

Cassius Marsh was traded from the Seahawks to the Patriots for Justin Coleman. Marsh may have occasionally committed some knucklehead plays in Seattle, but he contributed on special teams and was definitely a fun personality to have on the team. He also blessed us with one of the great GIFs in Seahawks Twitter history.

Marsh didn’t quite pan out in New England, and was released during the season. He still gets a ring if the Pats win it all, so there’s that!

Reason #5: Maybe Bill Belichick finally retires? Maybe?

I watched “The Two Bills” 30-for-30 on ESPN on Thursday night. It was really a fascinating glimpse into Bill Belichick’s history in the NFL, his relationship with Bill Parcells, and it shows what a phenomenal football mind he really is.

With supposed friction within the Patriots organization, and New England needing to replace its offensive and defensive coordinators in the offseason, this might be the end for at least one of Tom Brady or Bill Belichick. There’s no indication that Brady is stopping any time soon, but for Bill, what more is there to accomplish after winning six Super Bowls as a head coach and eight overall? Belichick has been in the league for more than 40 years and has reached ten Super Bowls, which is absolutely insane.

There comes a point in time where you just don’t want to do your job anymore. Phil Jackson ended his head coaching career on extremely awful terms, getting stomped by the Dallas Mavericks, but he’s still won 11 NBA titles as a head coach. Belichick is going to be 66 next season, and he’s essentially rewritten the NFL history books with how dominant he’s been. Even for the Patriots, all good things must come to an end, and one more Lombardi Trophy would be the ideal ending for Belichick to call it a day.

I’m not saying root for the Patriots, but I am saying that there are potential upsides to them winning another title. Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to take a long, cold shower.