Will Dissly is a simple man who appreciates simplicity, Friends and a good ham and cheese

I suspected the Seattle Seahawks might draft Shaquem Griffin in the fourth round of the NFL Draft Saturday, and if you’ve been following along closely here at Field Gulls you know I’ve been posting colorful personal portraits of the drafted players to go along with the rest of our team’s more comprehensive football coverage. But after a year of familiarity in Seattle with his brother Shaquill and their family story, plus the additional hoopla celebrating Shaquem Griffin’s accomplishments all season and leading up to the draft, how much further behind the curtain could I get?

But then the Seahawks went and tossed a curveball, drafting not Griffin but tight end Will Dissly out of Washington with their fourth round slot (they did of course later draft Shaquem), and so I took the opportunity to do some digging. Even though Dissly also is already fairly acquainted to fans, at least in the Seattle area thanks to his years with the Huskies, I figured there’s got to be some fresh or compelling details to uncover.

Well, it turns out Dissly, from Bozeman, Montana, ... is a guy who ... enjoys a night out at the pizza parlor after a win. And who ... recommends to his brother a baby stroller you can use while jogging.

Not very exciting. But maybe what he have on our hands here is a deep thinker.

Hmm.

Maybe we can find some jagged food takes. Those are always good to get folks riled up.

Good grief. Contain yourself Will.

Wait what have we here?

Well if that isn’t the whitest thing I ever heard. I looked it up and apparently the episode he’s talking about is called “The One with the Embryos” and it has to do with a baby chicken and a duck named Yasmine and a debate about which of the friends know each other best, the guys or the ladies. Yep, that’s indeed about the whitest thing I ever heard.

When I mentioned on Twitter how Dissly’s arrival should radically whiten the complexion of the Seahawks locker room, our friend John Gilbert reminded me Dissly is replacing Luke Willson, a verified Canadian, so there’s probably little net change in the Whiteness Above Replacement total. And lo! Dissly may already have a candidate in mind to dislodge Luke’s favorite, Techno Thursdays.

Okay okay, but before we start cyphering rhymes off the dome like Black Thought on Hot 97 let’s not forget what kind of rhythms power Dissly’s internal metronome:

But considering all this blazing whiteness made me wonder whether there might be anything more ... controversial deeper in Dissly’s timeline. Remember Josh Allen’s “naive” juvenile comments that surfaced to kick off this 2018 draft?

Relax! He’s talking about James White, the New England Patriots running back whose dynamic playmaking fueled New England’s comeback in Super Bowl LI. For sure, it’s notably unprejudiced of Dissly to pick White over Tom Brady, the actual MVP winner, when Dissly is usually one Brady’s staunchest defenders. Here Dissly is taking Brady’s side in a debate with good friend Dante Pettis about Kobe Bryant ...

... and the only thing controversial about that take is how it’s likely to ruffle new teammate, Los Angeles-bred Rasheem Green—a huge Bryant stan.

Nope, there’s nothing much outrageous to say about Will Dissly, just a kid from the mountains who likes his occasional postgame pizza, his ham and cheese on a pretzel, and his Friends DVDS.

Good advice, Will.