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Carlos Dunlap and DK Metcalf both fined by NFL

New Orleans Saints v Seattle Seahawks Photo by Steph Chambers/Getty Images

The NFL judicious system is a well-balanced and incredibly thoughtful entity aimed at the swift and fair regulation of common sense infractions committed by its members.

Said nobody, ever.

Carlos Dunlap and DK Metcalf were both fined for infractions committed last week against the Green Bay Packers.

In the same year which forced us to watch Deshaun Watson non-news for four months, and direct misinformation by Aaron Rodgers go unchecked, the NFL has swiftly and decisively stepped in to dissuade the American public from following in the nefarious footsteps of its worst offenders who...threw a shoe.

Dunlap was flagged for unsportsmanlike conduct on the play, which was one of his best of the day. Dunlap pounced on the unsuspecting footwear like it was a live fumble, and hurled it like he just scored a touchdown. Here’s a slow motion replay for evaluation of form.

DK Metcalf, meanwhile, is the sole recipient of a fine in the altercation that had him ejected late in the Seattle Seahawks Week 10 matchup.

In a bold move that only confirms what we all think about how the NFL doles out its fine numbers, Metcalf was charged the exact same amount as when he jumped on the goal post against the Jacksonville Jaguars.

Our only reasonable conclusion can be that the NFL employs a Capuchin monkey, which is given a healthy amount of scotch before each decision is to be made, and then spun merrily in circles before being asked to spin a prize wheel, which stops on a random number that is then assigned in these types of cases.

Go Hawks.