Apparently it’s Bad Mock Drafts week. Who knew?
On Tuesday morning, Mookie topped that one with Mel Kiper’s latest attempt to give all the best players to east coast teams.
Now comes a CBS Sports mock draft in which the writer, Will Brinson, intentionally tries to troll every team that has a first-round pick.
I’m not kidding; the title of his mock draft clearly states that his intention is to publish “The Worst Mock Ever” and the subtitle includes the word “troll.”
With the first overall pick, he has Carolina selecting Will Levis which, in and of itself, might not have been a bad pick for the Panthers if they had stayed put at #9. Giving up what they did to move up to #1 and then taking Levis . . . ouch!
Troll 1, Mock Fans 0.
Stroud to the Texans elicits a yawn and makes the score 1-1.
The Cardinals staying put at #3 and then using their pick to take Bryce Young, who is even smaller than the injured QB with almost $100M in dead money on his contract . . . yeah, that’s some top-notch trolling.
Troll 3*, Mock Fans 1
* I awarded a bonus point cuz the Troll completely hosed the only other NFC West team with a first round pick.
At #4, he gives the Colts the
quarterback pass rusher they need. Admittedly, Colts fans would be upset, but Anderson isn’t a bad pick, and the Colts would be in the running to select Caleb Williams or Drake Maye with their native R1 in 2024.
Troll 3, Mock Fans 2.
Seattle is on the clock at # 5 and the Trollster decides to SHOUT AT US, begging Pete to make the pick he thinks will incite the 12s to riot.
DO IT PETE CARROLL. DO IT. RASHAAD PENNY IS GONE. KENNETH WALKER GOT HURT AND YOUR RUN GAME STRUGGLED. GENO IS LOCKED. DOOOOOOO ITTTTTTTT.
I’ll give the Troll a point for not letting us trade back before selecting Bijan Robinson, but I’m giving Mock Fans triple points cuz pairing Bijan with K9 would thrill me (and a lot of other 12s) to no end.
Troll 4, Mock Fans 5.
The Troll and the Mock Fans split the next fourteen picks, 7-7, but . . .
- The Troll gets one bonus point for having the Falcons snipe Jalen Carter one pick before the Bears were (probably) going to take him.
- Two bonus points were awarded for trolling both the Packers and the Jets at #13.
- Doubling down on the troll of the Packers and Jets while also refusing to give Aaron Rodgers an offensive weapon at #15 earns triple bonus points !!! (and triple exclamation marks too)
The score is Troll 17, Mock Fans 12 when the Seahawks go on the clock with their native R1, #20 overall.
If the Troll were serious about trolling us, he’d have us double down on running backs - especially since he ends up sending Jahmyr Gibbs to the Chargers with the very next pick. Instead, he gives us Josh Downs.
You could argue the Seahawks DO need wide receiver help, at least for the long haul. Still, this first round would perplex many. Reaching for Josh Downs (who should be a first-round pick IMO) would be very Seattle of them.
Admittedly, he’s right about Seattle’s R1 choices perplexing a lot of folks. I, however, am not one of them. As with the selection of Bijan Robinson at #5, I would have preferred to trade back before making this pick, but the Troll doesn’t get a bonus point this time around.
Troll 18, Mock Fans 14*
* I awarded a bonus point to the Mock Fans because I’ve taking Downs at #20 in a decent number of my own mock drafts.
The next ten picks are split 4-6 and the Troll holds a 2-point lead heading into the final selection. He gives the Kansas City Chiefs a linebacker (Drew Sanders) which doesn’t seem like that bad of a pick. Mock Fans add a point, but the Troll is still in the lead . . .
Unfortunately for him, the Troll fails to stick the landing and loses a point:
Really should have gone running back here to make Chiefs fans mad but hopefully this will do.
Tie score! 21-all.